“Life is a bitch, lets f**k it“. That’s what a friend of mine once told me. Ever since there has been no end to the fun I have had with life. For most average people my age, I’ve seen a lot. But, I still feel there is a lot more I could have seen. I just lost focus. I had circumstances to back me there. I lost my dad when I was just starting off at work. I sound like I blame him for the misery but the fact is I started looking at life more seriously after he left. My only refuge from bankruptcy was gone.
When I come to think of it, I never really had focus. I was just cruising along hoping to get lucky, which I eventually did, but I did have to change my ways to get there. Before I knew, dad was gone. I was on my own, I stopped goofing around, and before I knew I was there, sitting for the interview. Before I realized, I was in a new place, at a new height. Did get a little dizzy but I managed to stay put, though most of it happened while I was busy being clueless.
Here I am today, writing about myself as usual. That’s me in a nutshell. Self obsessed. I am my favorite topic, that’s what my friends tell me. I doubt if they are wrong. When I’m not busy being self obsessed, I’m normally dreaming. But then, I’m quite consistent. I dream mostly about myself in situations that would normally seem impossible at that point but to me they are real. I don’t think we humans can achieve much without dreaming, that’s what some of us seem to believe. Though, most people believe that we can start achieving as soon as we stop dreaming.
I dream a new dream everyday, that’s possibly why I’m never focused. Every time I start working towards achieving a particular dream my mind is clogged by a hundred other dreams. Thus, over a span of time I have a million dreams wooing me, like a million camouflaged demons seducing me to my destruction. That’s life… every moment a new dream is born and with that a new way to finish this little skit called life. It could be a comedy or a tragedy. It all depends on the audience and, the act being played out. Some last long, some are shorter than the rest and some don’t last at all. The longer they are, the more august is the gathering.
The most fascinating thing about life, is life itself. It exists without anyone wanting it to exist and then, it stops when everybody wants it to go on. There is no director as such, just actors and their dreams. Everyone hopes to get there and get there fast. But, no one knows where. It all ends up in a Brownian motion, helter and skelter. We're all like elements, and we collide with each other in this motion. Some collisions have a good reaction and others don’t, but we continue, in our strive to achieve the unknown.
Some day we may just find what we’re looking for, what will we do then? Will that make us happy or will it make us sad? Or we might just feel some undiscovered emotion.
