Two people who have recently been making me think - Tagore and Morrison.
Two very different people with very different ways they expressed themselves. They were both immensely artictic individuals, who potrayed how they felt in ways that make you identify your thoughts.
Tagore expresses how he feels by stating them as they are, while Morrison dismisses his feelings and thus stating how he feels. At times I think, how it would be, if Tagore could have written and Morrison had sung them. Tagore explored emotions that Morrison trashed, they both were highly emotional men, who were driven to music and poetry by their sorrows.
Every line Tagore wrote, you can identify with them even today, you may deny it, but you will feel them at some point or the other. Morrison denied the very same feelings, like an escapist.
Inertia is very boring but addictive, it makes you want to run away from your current situation, but you find yourself so comfortable the way you are, you don't want to move an inch. This way you keep doing the same things, but hate it all the same. When I think of what i could have been doing instead of what I'm doing, it all sounds so exciting. But, I keep making excuses for why I can't budge from where I am.
I wish I could sing, I have so much to sing about, so much there is in my head, running in every direction, I can spend the rest of my life singing about it. I'm bored to death thinking of the thousand things I do that will mean nothing to me 6 months later. Nobody in the world really means anything to me, nothing means anything any longer. I'm just living a life I've got used to living. Isn't that what every creature does? Even if I spent the rest of my life looking after sick people, how will it ever make any difference to me? Will I not repent not being able to live the life of a nomad who has nothing to worry about? Or may be even nomads worry about losing their way. The world is wide, there is no end to it, it is round, whichever way i go, it leads to another place, another piece of land or water, these are the only two alternatives, isn't there? So, what am I so scared of? Why do I think so much before every step I take. I don't think I was ever so scared of taking a step, when I was a child. They say we fear the unknown, but my fear increases the more I know. So, knowledge leads to fear, then why learn? To be fearless I need to unlearn, how do I unlearn? Life, they say is the best teacher, so to stop learning, I need to kill that teacher, but I don't want to end my life to stop learning. I want to end the fear, fear lies in my head, I need to numb my head to stop fearing. We have evolved to fear, fear everything and anything, plants, animals, nature,other humans, ourselves, and when we had nothing else left to fear, we created God, and we started fearing His wrath. How imaginative can we get!!
High on energy but a bad day at work, great combination! I wasn't really bogged by the work load, Was still cribbing about too much work. Was enjoying the work, Was in fact able to complete everything on time, even after taking on more work then required, but one bad result, resulting from my over enthusiasm to do more in less time. That's what comes off doing a lot of work mechanically, without thinking, you realise later, what you did, cannot be undone. I shall repent, but not fear the consequences. I did what I did, hence I deserve what punishment comes off it. Take it, apologise for the mistake and ensure I don't do it again. That's my resolve. There are a few instances in life when we realise we are growing old, maturing, learning from mistakes. This is one of those moments for me. I could have come home, drank over it, but i choose to be brave and face consequences like a brave man. Think I'll give myself a pat on my back for this thought. Don't know if I will always look at my follies this way.
Tide is turning, for better or for worse, only future will tell. but, I see myself change every moment, handle things differently, my priorities seem to be changing. Earlier, I wanted to do things 'cause they were cool, now I want to do them because I want to. I have begun to identify fear and am learning to eradicate it from my life. I am learning to deal with loneliness, insecurities, restlessness, perceptions, about things and people, and other things that exist because we want them to. I realise that most things that I convince myself about, comes from a fear of something or the other. I attribute most of my mistakes to other people's perceptions, but that is because I am scared of being wrong. Well, what is wrong in being wrong? Why make excuses for myself or anybody? And, making a mistake is not excusable because everybody makes them or because we learn from them. We will have to own up to our mistakes and short comings, and face consequences for them. Forget mistakes, we have to face consequences for everything that happens to us. What if I was born blind, will my blaming it on fate or my parents, allow me to see? It won't, I will have to face consequences, I will have to handle my blindness. I could start using my instincts and other organs to survive or I could blame my fate and wait for people to sympathise and take care of me. I choose to do what I want to and face consequences accordingly. I have always believed that nothng in my life has altered it for anything bad. I could have been doing worse off than I am. So why fear what could happen in the future? May be I fear facing people with a blemish on me, well, what could be worse than making a mistake and not owning up to it? At least that way people will trust me to own up to my mistakes, otherwise, even when I am not wrong, they might doubt me to be wrong.
I realise that I always need confirmation for what I do, from people I think are better than me. Every time I do something new, I walk up to people, ask them for their thoughts on it, awaiting confirmation or approval. This again, I guess, stems from a constant fear of being wrong. Who needs confirmation? Why are we living in constant fear? We don't even know fear of what. Being wrong? Being an anamoly? Being different? Not being a part of the crowd? Not fitting in? Not being considered cool? WHAT IS IT?? Isn't the crowd formed by different individuals, entities? Then why fear? If we were all supposed to be the same, why do we have different names, jobs and everything that is different about each of us? Haven't we individually made it so far, from being helpless creatures that couldn't talk, couldn't move, couldn't shit without somebody else's help, to creatures that can stand on two strong feet and live off other beings? Haven't each of us made it to the top of the food chain? What else can we ask for, we have survived this far, how much further do we want to go? I'm sure we will reach whatever height we want. It's only a matter of time. The law of evolution proves it. We will only get better over time. And then we will perish when time comes, and that is inevitable so let's not bother about it till the time comes.
There are times when I want someone to be with me, close to me, but then I realise, when they were close, it wasn't so great, and that's probably because they know I want them close. So, I decide to stay away and never let them know, I'd like them around. Funny thing, when you are with someone, you want to get away, and when she isn't nearby, you want her to be.
Two very different people with very different ways they expressed themselves. They were both immensely artictic individuals, who potrayed how they felt in ways that make you identify your thoughts.
Tagore expresses how he feels by stating them as they are, while Morrison dismisses his feelings and thus stating how he feels. At times I think, how it would be, if Tagore could have written and Morrison had sung them. Tagore explored emotions that Morrison trashed, they both were highly emotional men, who were driven to music and poetry by their sorrows.
Every line Tagore wrote, you can identify with them even today, you may deny it, but you will feel them at some point or the other. Morrison denied the very same feelings, like an escapist.
Inertia is very boring but addictive, it makes you want to run away from your current situation, but you find yourself so comfortable the way you are, you don't want to move an inch. This way you keep doing the same things, but hate it all the same. When I think of what i could have been doing instead of what I'm doing, it all sounds so exciting. But, I keep making excuses for why I can't budge from where I am.
I wish I could sing, I have so much to sing about, so much there is in my head, running in every direction, I can spend the rest of my life singing about it. I'm bored to death thinking of the thousand things I do that will mean nothing to me 6 months later. Nobody in the world really means anything to me, nothing means anything any longer. I'm just living a life I've got used to living. Isn't that what every creature does? Even if I spent the rest of my life looking after sick people, how will it ever make any difference to me? Will I not repent not being able to live the life of a nomad who has nothing to worry about? Or may be even nomads worry about losing their way. The world is wide, there is no end to it, it is round, whichever way i go, it leads to another place, another piece of land or water, these are the only two alternatives, isn't there? So, what am I so scared of? Why do I think so much before every step I take. I don't think I was ever so scared of taking a step, when I was a child. They say we fear the unknown, but my fear increases the more I know. So, knowledge leads to fear, then why learn? To be fearless I need to unlearn, how do I unlearn? Life, they say is the best teacher, so to stop learning, I need to kill that teacher, but I don't want to end my life to stop learning. I want to end the fear, fear lies in my head, I need to numb my head to stop fearing. We have evolved to fear, fear everything and anything, plants, animals, nature,other humans, ourselves, and when we had nothing else left to fear, we created God, and we started fearing His wrath. How imaginative can we get!!
High on energy but a bad day at work, great combination! I wasn't really bogged by the work load, Was still cribbing about too much work. Was enjoying the work, Was in fact able to complete everything on time, even after taking on more work then required, but one bad result, resulting from my over enthusiasm to do more in less time. That's what comes off doing a lot of work mechanically, without thinking, you realise later, what you did, cannot be undone. I shall repent, but not fear the consequences. I did what I did, hence I deserve what punishment comes off it. Take it, apologise for the mistake and ensure I don't do it again. That's my resolve. There are a few instances in life when we realise we are growing old, maturing, learning from mistakes. This is one of those moments for me. I could have come home, drank over it, but i choose to be brave and face consequences like a brave man. Think I'll give myself a pat on my back for this thought. Don't know if I will always look at my follies this way.
Tide is turning, for better or for worse, only future will tell. but, I see myself change every moment, handle things differently, my priorities seem to be changing. Earlier, I wanted to do things 'cause they were cool, now I want to do them because I want to. I have begun to identify fear and am learning to eradicate it from my life. I am learning to deal with loneliness, insecurities, restlessness, perceptions, about things and people, and other things that exist because we want them to. I realise that most things that I convince myself about, comes from a fear of something or the other. I attribute most of my mistakes to other people's perceptions, but that is because I am scared of being wrong. Well, what is wrong in being wrong? Why make excuses for myself or anybody? And, making a mistake is not excusable because everybody makes them or because we learn from them. We will have to own up to our mistakes and short comings, and face consequences for them. Forget mistakes, we have to face consequences for everything that happens to us. What if I was born blind, will my blaming it on fate or my parents, allow me to see? It won't, I will have to face consequences, I will have to handle my blindness. I could start using my instincts and other organs to survive or I could blame my fate and wait for people to sympathise and take care of me. I choose to do what I want to and face consequences accordingly. I have always believed that nothng in my life has altered it for anything bad. I could have been doing worse off than I am. So why fear what could happen in the future? May be I fear facing people with a blemish on me, well, what could be worse than making a mistake and not owning up to it? At least that way people will trust me to own up to my mistakes, otherwise, even when I am not wrong, they might doubt me to be wrong.
I realise that I always need confirmation for what I do, from people I think are better than me. Every time I do something new, I walk up to people, ask them for their thoughts on it, awaiting confirmation or approval. This again, I guess, stems from a constant fear of being wrong. Who needs confirmation? Why are we living in constant fear? We don't even know fear of what. Being wrong? Being an anamoly? Being different? Not being a part of the crowd? Not fitting in? Not being considered cool? WHAT IS IT?? Isn't the crowd formed by different individuals, entities? Then why fear? If we were all supposed to be the same, why do we have different names, jobs and everything that is different about each of us? Haven't we individually made it so far, from being helpless creatures that couldn't talk, couldn't move, couldn't shit without somebody else's help, to creatures that can stand on two strong feet and live off other beings? Haven't each of us made it to the top of the food chain? What else can we ask for, we have survived this far, how much further do we want to go? I'm sure we will reach whatever height we want. It's only a matter of time. The law of evolution proves it. We will only get better over time. And then we will perish when time comes, and that is inevitable so let's not bother about it till the time comes.
There are times when I want someone to be with me, close to me, but then I realise, when they were close, it wasn't so great, and that's probably because they know I want them close. So, I decide to stay away and never let them know, I'd like them around. Funny thing, when you are with someone, you want to get away, and when she isn't nearby, you want her to be.
